I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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