didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
