how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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