Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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