At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
