Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
