I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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