well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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