My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
