I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Mom said you looked used
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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