i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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