you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
