What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
