yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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