I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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