Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize