I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
