i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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