Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
