i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
