He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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