All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
