first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
me + whiskey = a bad person
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
