Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
They have beer where we have blood.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
