oh god the rape fog is back!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
