my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize