she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
