So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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