Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
