The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
