I think my fart just growled at me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
