I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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