if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are these your boobs on my camera?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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