Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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