her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
