This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
