so explain again why im purple
no
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
