I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
