If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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