I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
