I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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