Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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