You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We don't watch enough power rangers
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
