how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
