just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
