i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
