Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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