i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
