could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
