I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
