i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
