Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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