I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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