am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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