sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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