from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
