i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize