This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
