dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
