Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she pinky promised me she was 18
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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