just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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