My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
