after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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