also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
