Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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