Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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