dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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