I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize