her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Damn victory sex feels great
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
