I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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