i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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