So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
