She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
