The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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