ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
