i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
