I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
