This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
