i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
