I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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