I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He passed out mid-signature
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
