Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
