it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
