Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize