guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
