I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
