I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Of course I have a pirate flag
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
