I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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