My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
