You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
