apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
