I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
