No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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