dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
