There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
