I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
