I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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