We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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