I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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