i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
