Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
