You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize