I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
