I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
