I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
