She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
