people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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