theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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