I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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