Can i not drive my cunt home
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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