I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she told me i tasted like america
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
