I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
