Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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