remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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