PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
